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Excerpt fromThe Truth (I'm 10, I'm smart and I know everything)
(Ladybug Press, 2007)

The Truth - The Foreword from Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

W hen I firt came upon The Truth, I realized that it must be published. Twenty-five years of clinical work with women in my psychology practice has convinced me that many, many women forget the truth. We seem to forget what the ten or eleven-year-old girl inside of us we once knew with such certainty. We forget how strong we are. We forget how astute we are at sizing up the world. We forget our capacity to recover from hurts and build successful new relationships.

We forget so much of our childhood wisdom. We forget the excitement and enthusiasm that comes from letting our passionate natures come out to play. And we forget how to laugh, laugh from our bellies. We forget how to intensely react to daily life. So often we forget how to have fun. Many of us don't allow the playful part of ourselves to come out. We don't know how to let out, safely, the imp inside of us. And we forget how proud we can feel about ourselves.

I see it as a tragic loss--we have forgotten so many of the simple truths known to us in our girlhood. The cost is enormous. Many of us walk around depressed, feeling like we're a baloon that has pins pricked into it. Many of us don't achieve our birthright of living out our potential. Falling by the wayside, many of us are under utilized, under educated, and marginally productive. We spend our time ruminating, feeling badly, wishing we had made other choices with our lives, and often seeing ourselves in hopeless situations. Too often we blame others, saying someone else is responsible for the decay of our own lives, having lost any sense that we are navigators of our lives. Like sleeping beauty, we await a prince to awaken us rather than awaken ourselves to our own riches: our capacities for joy and fun, to create, study, invent, innovate, lead, recover, re-invent, feel, love, discover, share, etc.

When I came across The Truth I realized that here is an opportunity for us to see ourselves with fresh eyes and feel once again the passions of girlhood. The girl's truth may not be exactly your truth, but the girl has the power to stimulate, reminding us of our talents, our dreams, our wisdom and our resiliencies. Weren't you once determined to make adulthood better than what you saw as a girl? If the girl begins to mobilize you to bring to life the exciting woman that you were meant to be, then The Truth is not lost.

Reprinted with permission from Barbara Becker Holstein.

I don't always think I'm pretty. When I stand next to my cousin Sandra I don't feel pretty. She has perfect looks and it isn't fair. Once we had a picture taken together, and I thought I looked kind of cute until we got the picture back from being developed. There she was with perfect bangs, shiny hair, a wide movie-star smile and perfect posture. There I was with messy hair and a slanted smile, and I was not standing straight. I hated her that day. My aunt gave each of us a copy of the picture to keep, but I didn't keep mine. I ripped it up when I got home.

Sometimes I stand in front of the bathroom mirror and look at myself. When I do that I feel pretty.

I have "dirty" blond hair and brown eyes. My teeth are a little cooked and I have a space between my top two front teeth, but my mother says that makes my smile interesting. I have nice hands. They look good in the mirror, too. I like looking at myself.

Sometimes I hold up my hands n the mirror, like I'm in a commercial selling nail polish. I just kind of smile at myself and hold my hand up so the nails show, and my eyes just shine. Then I move my hand a little, like models do on TV. I really feel special when I am doing this.

I know the truth about looks: The most important thing is to feel pretty. If you feel pretty, then you look pretty. That is the truth for me...

I am in love. I thought I would fall in love when I was much older, maybe 15 or 16. Not today.

I was sitting in class, reading a social studies chapter, trying to answer an awful question at the end of the chapter, "Which state has the most cola mines," when the dor opened and a new kid walked in.

There he was! I knew as soon as I saw him. He was wearing a cute plaid shirt and he had brown hair and brown eyes. I could imagine kissing his lips.

My heart felt like it turned over in my body. My pulse started to race. I couldn't concentrate. I felt excited, like I suddenly had a big secret. "Our eyes locked." I read that in a book that my mom had by her bed. It was true. When Illoked into his eyes, I felt we had known each other forever. Looking at him mad me feel all fluttery inside.

I wanted him to sit near me so badly I could have died. But he sat in the row in front of me, a little to the right. Not too bad. Now I can look at him all day. My best friend, Angela, sits beside him, to his right. I hope she doesn't fall in love with him too. He's mine! His name is Paul.

How will I ever be able to think about school work again with all these funny feelings in my belly and my heart beating so fast I can't breathe?

I can't wait to go to school tomorrow. Now I know how girls fall in love. It happened to me today and I am only 10. And that's the truth...

Reprinted with permission from Barbara Becker Holstein.

You can purchase the book at www.enchantedself.com or www.amazon.com

Barbara Becker Holstein can be reached at www.enchanteself.com

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