Family Ties: Our Conversation with Lisa Tugnette
(Author of the E-book or audio book - Reflections of A Woman - My Memoir of Breast Cancer: Loss,
Love & Laughter )
As women family there are many things that bind us together - family traditions, personality traits, resembling our mother or sister - but having a higher chance of contracting a disease like our mother at 60, aunt at 52 and grandmother is another story.
Being in the high risk category, although the possibility of getting breast cancer was always in the back of her mind, for Lisa Tugnette it was always down the road in her late 50's or 60's.
Then at 36, Lisa discovered "an orange coloured discharge weeping from her right breast nipple.The ghost that had hovered since she learned the family history at 28 had materialized and she became part of that legacy. At the same time, her mother - "a warrior woman" in Lisa's own words - was diagnosed with her third bout of breast cancer.
Today, four years later, having undergone a double mastectomy and many emotional and physical transformations, Tugnette is strong, cancer-free and finding herself again with her newly discovered passion for writing and sharing her story of hope, loss, love and laughter in
Reflections of A Woman (available in e-book or audio book format). She generously answered my questions about her breast cancer journey.
Dawn Prince: Tell me about the day you got the diagnosis. Were you in shock, or by being so aware of the possibility to getting breast cancer, do you think it was easier to handle the diagnosis than if you were blind-sided by it?
Lisa Tugnette: I felt numb and robotic the day I was diagnosed, not only was I diagnosed, but so was my mother, for her third time recurrence. So I would say it didn't make it any easier especially with Mom and my dual-diagnosis.
How hard was it to focus on you, when you had to deal with your mother's 3rd bout with the disease? It was very difficult in fact, as we were both trying to be strong for each other and not let the other see just how afraid we were. I also felt guilty that my cancer was detected early while my mother's cancer had spread; and Mom felt terrible that her daughter had to lose both breasts while she was able to keep hers. We were only able to keep up that charade for so long... [but] I learned from my mother's three breast cancer diagnosis how to cope in the face of adversity, something she has had to endure her entire life.
It may seem like a simplistic question, but when we hear the word cancer we always equate it with death. Did you think that you were going to die?
Not exactly, as I was told right off the top, it was non-invasive and had thankfully been detected early, but knowing there had been cancereous malignant cells multiplying in my body and I didn't even know it until then, scared me and made me realize how precious life really is, and how your world can change in an instant. The whole diagnosis underscored that life really is too short.
How is your teenage daughter Ashley dealing with all this? Knowing that 3 generations of women have all had breast cancer?
I asked Ashley to answer this question, as I can't speak for her. Ashley said she is not too worried about what size her breasts are as many of her peers do, as sadly, she feels that one day she will get breast cancer and she doesn't want to be attached them knowing she could lose hers too and she witnessed first hand the heartache I went through in my grief.
I read an article I believe it was in Oprah about a woman who had her breasts removed because she was at high risk to develop breast cancer. Knowing your own family history, had this ever crossed your mind before-hand?
I read that article too, and it was in Oprah's magazine. I had not given it any thought, but then again, I was too busy with raising two small children and working full time to give it much thought. Having said that, my left mastectomy was a preventative mastectomy due to my high risk of recurrence. So I did take a necessary pro-active approach for my second mastectomy to do everything I could to insure my future health.
You had both breasts removed on separate occasions. Breasts, they are a part of who we are as women, some will even say it's what makes us feminine, how did you come to terms with losing not one, but two breasts?
That is an emotionally packed question, and not one that can be answered in a short concise answer. There are many levels of complex emotions that took for over two and a half years to sift through. I have had to literally write a book about that very topic to comes to terms with my emotions. I can say that I used alot of creativity to work through expressing and releasing my loss through journalling, sketching, painting, writing poetry and of course my memoir.
How much support or information is out there for dealing with breast cancer as well as having mastectomies?
I can comment on the lack of information out there to provide support and information for women, particularly from a patient perspective, who have had to deal with the loss of their breast(s) and how it deeply affects her spirit and psyche. This led me to writing my memoir.
Where did you find support?
I did seek out support through my local breast cancer support group where I connected with other young women who were going through the same experiences.
How did the reconstructive surgery help you heal emotionally and spiritually?
Reconstruction filled that empty hollow ache that remained deep inside my soul. What do you see when you look in the mirror these days? I see a whole, complete beautiful woman who is so glad to have taken the time I needed to make the decision to reconstruct.
When people get sick, friends tend to not know what to say. What irked you the most during your illness and what helped? What irked me the most following my mastectomies was when women would say "They just get in the way," or "They served their purpose," or "There just a hunk of fatty tissue." I know they had good intentions, but for me those kind of comments minimized my feelings and I was left feeling worse. What helped me so much, was simply receiving cards in the mail from family and friends letting me know they are thinking of me.
We are all stronger than we think, and sometimes it takes a drastic thing such as a severe illness to show us that. What kept you strong during your illness?
Without a doubt, I would have to say my husband Tim. He kept me strong during my illness. Tim never looked at or loved me differently from when I had both my natural breasts, just one, or none. Knowing I had Tim behind me 100% in whatever decisions I made, gave me strength and courage.
Sharing your story, is it cathartic to be able to put it down on paper, to be able to look at it or what it is, dealing with life and sickness, a part of the journey? Writing my story was an creative way of healing for me. It allowed me to express and explore my very raw emotions that I knew other women were struggling with too - I wanted to fill a void that was missing in information in hopes to shorten their painful journey. My goal is for my memoir to be not only be a resource tool, but also a source of inspiration, courage and laughter.
What have you learned from your journey thus far? How we have a choice to take something bad and turn it into something good to help others. As well how much courage I have that I never thought I possessed.
What do you hope for women to learn from your story? I hope women will learn the importance of early detection, knowing what is 'normal' for your breasts. To keep a positive outlook and reach out for the support and resources that are available in your community so you don't go through it alone. In the face of adversity, you will discover you are stronger than you ever believed and you will amaze yourself.
Strange as it sounds, adversity sometimes brings unexpected blessings, what are some of the gifts that breast cancer has afforded you? There have been numerous unexpected blessings that I share throughout my memoir, but one very special one, is the amazing women I have met through my breast cancer journey who have become very dear friends that I wouldn't trade for anything. [Breast Cancer] has made me grateful, humble and appreciative of the very simple things in life. Respect for my body, listening to it, nuturing it and loving it. There is so much I want to experience and accomplish and I do not put things off because of 'fear."
To Purchase the e-book or audio book, Visit
Reflections of A Woman
Copyright ©2006 Sure Woman.com/Copyright ©2006 Dawn Prince
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Breast Cancer Journeys
