Cindy Harrison: What I am Reading
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Crumbs ~ Interview with Author Becky Reed
B
ecky Reed’s food addiction memoir is itself addictive-- although reading her story is a whole lot healthier than eating a pound of fudge before moving through that bag of chips calling from the pantry. Anyone struggling with weight, self-esteem or relationship issues will relate to Becky’s story. Not only is she honest about the roots of her struggles, but she has done a ton of work understanding and recovering from every aspect of her addictions. She smoothly incorporates how she learns self-acceptance into her history.
One of the things I love about Crumbs is that there is no mention of Becky’s highest and lowest weights. She simply says that since beginning her journey toward a healthy life she’s had to buy smaller sized clothes. There are so many things to praise here, but the biggest thing about this book is Becky’s heart. She puts it all right out there, on the page.
I recently asked Becky some questions about her story, and here’s what she said…
Cindy: Your story is beautiful and painful. Was it difficult to write?
Becky: This story was extremely difficult to write. In order to write about painful events, I had to take a step back from them. Putting it all on paper - the binges, the depression, the abusive relationship - it was all very hard to face.
C: Was there a specific event that made you think "I need to write a book about this"?
B: After hearing details about my life, many of my close friends have encouraged me to write a book. My "a-ha moment" was when I realized that I had an eating disorder. I had piles of books, research and notes that I'd used to help myself, and after much reflection, I decided that it would be a good idea to pay it forward, so to speak. I wanted to create something that readers would find interesting, useful and helpful.
C: Is Becky Reed your real name, or is it a pseudonym? I ask because your writing is so personal, honest, heartfelt and specific, and I wondered about how you deal with having such a naked portrait out there in the bookstores.
B: Yes, it is my real name. It was a difficult decision to use my real name, but I felt that I needed to stand by my work rather than hide behind a pseudonym.
C: You mention that you kept journals through your struggles with food and self-acceptance. Did this help? In what ways?
B: I've kept written journals for most of my life, and then stopped for many years. I started again during a time of self exploration, and it really did help me face and resolve my inner turmoil.
C: You have daughters. Did your determination to get healthy in body and mind have anything to do with being a good role model for your girls in this age of eating disorders?
B: Yes, absolutely. I want so much more for them than what I had growing up (as any parent would). I would be doing them a disservice if I'd kept on abusing myself.
C: In the prologue of Crumbs, there is a message board post from a 550 pound woman plus a few of the 248 responses. How important were message boards and internet support to you as you went through your
struggle?
B: Most of my research started by reading message boards and other people's journals. I found them depressing, but in a voyeuristic way, I learned things about myself while reading about other people's lives.
C: Is this 550 pound person a real woman, and is this a real post, or did you write something typical of what weight loss posts look like?
B: It was typical of posts and responses you will find on message boards.
C: After that post and the comments, there are other short snippets of internal monologue related to eating and body image. Are those actual diary entries? Or did you combine typical blog posts to give them the feel of being real? (Either way, I think both parts of the prologue are very effective.)
B: I combined my own journal entries with notes from two friends (who also have eating disorders), and edited versions of what you might find by researching eating disorders and addiction. I wanted people to be able to identify and think, "yes, that's me," when they read the prologue.
C: You were very open in this book about your difficult husband. Has he read the book? Will you allow your daughters to read the book when they're of an age to comprehend your struggle?
B: No, he has not read the book yet, though he says he will. He is well aware of the content. I will allow my daughters to read the book when they're older, as well as my journals. I often wish I could have had something to read from my own mother, as it would have helped me figure her out.
C: Was writing this book a catharsis? Did you feel better after it was finished? What was the feeling like?
B: I was very happy to be done with the book. It was very emotionally draining to write. It felt like a major accomplishment to complete the first draft. After that I was in "editing hell". I cut almost ten chapters from my first draft. Five revisions later, the book was ready.
C: What's the one most valuable insight you wish you could have given your overweight struggling self?
B: Self acceptance. I look back over the years and wish I'd had the strength to be my true self, rather than what I thought other people wanted me to be. It's wonderful and healthy to lose weight, but each pound shouldn't be tied to self worth.
It's so important for people to learn self love, self acceptance and forgiveness. So often I have found that people (myself included) beat themselves up with negative thoughts if they fail. It’s okay to be a size 12 or a size 20 or whatever. Why should it matter if someone else thinks that’s just too fat? Just do the best that you can do to take care of yourself and end the cycle of abuse by being more thoughtful of what you eat. If you want to lose weight, make sure it’s because it’s your own goal and not someone else’s. Once people can let go of the compulsion to fit a specific image that society creates for us, self acceptance will come a lot easier.
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