"Striving for the perfect marriage and the perfect partnership. Our culture focuses too much on having an awesome wedding and too little on having an amazing marriage. I think we also have to be flexible in our understanding of "perfection" because, in the wedding world, that represents an elevated sense of aesthetics and organized pleasures. "
Laurie Sue Brockway
The Wedding Goddess
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Rachel Langley
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The Wedding Goddess Interview
By D. Prince
C
ited as the best Wedding Officiator in Manhattan by New York Press, Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway has put her years of experience as a wedding coach and minister into the book, "Wedding Goddess: A Divine Guide To Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss." It's a soulful guide for brides to be who want their wedding journey leading up to the big day to be a little more spiritual. Brockway's "from the inside" approach enables the couple to relieve the stress of planning the huge event and allows them to fully experience the emotions and celebration of love on their sacred day. Rev. Laurie Sue talks to Surewoman.
Your book - "The Wedding Goddess" - is a guide for brides to be that focuses on a more personal and spiritual approach to getting married - having a ceremony reflect who the couple really is - moving away from the often commercialism of a lot of weddings. How did you come to write it?
Yes. Wedding Goddess is everything I know about reducing stress and restoring the sacred to your wedding experience. I wrote it after years of coaching brides and grooms through this extraordinary passage in life. Couples get so wrapped up in the planning, they forget why they want to marry in the first place. It becomes an "event to plan" rather than "a moment to cherish." Wedding Goddess gives brides the tools to find emotional balance, experience healthy excitement and anticipation, find calm and serenity, and gently process feelings of doubts and fear along the way. It is my way of offering a road map to navigating the typically stressful process planning a wedding so they can enjoy and appreciate the journey.
How is your customized ceremony different from most?
Perhaps the hallmark of my wedding ministry is there is no such thing a "typical ceremony" or a canned or cookie cutter wedding script. I consider myself to be a creative, contemporary clergy person. My philosophy is that your relationship is unique and your wedding ceremony should be too! What I offer my couples is the chance to work closely with me to design a wedding ceremony that enables them to truly express their love and commitment in a personalized and memorable way. All the ceremonies I write are created especially for each couple.
Are weddings becoming less steeped in religious dogma to more personalized ceremonies?
I believe there is definitely a trend in couples looking for more personalized, less canned, ceremonies. This is in part because of the increase in interfaith pairings, and the need for more creative ceremonies that merge two lives, two families and two cultures and/or faiths. On a practical level, more couples are getting married at the same venue where the wedding reception is held (as opposed to a house of worship) and that lends itself to more personalization. I personally like to write ceremonies that reflect the values, beliefs and cultures of the bride and groom. At the core of the ceremony is a celebration of their love.
Most brides want the perfect dress, the perfect day, the perfect dream wedding. With all this stress for perfection, what is most often overlooked?
Striving for the perfect marriage and the perfect partnership. Our culture focuses too much on having an awesome wedding and too little on having an amazing marriage. I think we also have to be flexible in our understanding of "perfection" because, in the wedding world, that represents an elevated sense of aesthetics and organized pleasures. In real married life, it ain't all about the pleasure! We have to honor the fact that there are imperfections inherent in all of us and our relationships, and develop a willingness to accept that.
What do you think of those lavish million dollar weddings and then the marriage is over in the blink of an eye?
I never judge how or why people want to marry. How can any of us know the underlying truth of anybody else's relationship? But I can say that the wedding industry and its promise of the "fabulous, fantasy wedding" has inspired more than a few people to get married because they wanted the wedding, the jewelry and the fanfare ... more than the marriage itself.
With the skyrocketing divorce rate, is the institution of marriage in trouble?
It seems to me that its been in trouble for some time, but I doubt that will put a damper on the wedding industry. People will always get married and many of them will opt for "fabulous weddings." But maybe it is time to rethink conventions. In my estimation, some people simply are not meant to be married. Not everyone is cut out for that kind of commitment. There are a lot of guys, who, left to their own devices, would not be interested. By the same token, women are pressured by parents, ticking biological clocks, and cultural standard that celebrates brides and tells women they should be wed. We have to come up with ceremonies and parties to honor committed-but-not-into-getting married couples, as well as singles, so that everyone can be gifted for their choices and can still partake in the experience in some way - without getting into a marriage that is not really meant to be.
What is the best advice you can give a bride, couple to pull off a beautiful ceremony?
I always tell my couples to stay present. Be real with each other. When you are planning the ceremony ... when you walk down that aisle, and to that wedding altar, be for one another, and no one else. Soak in the love from one another and all those around your ... and seize the moment to truly experience the ceremony of marriage. Speak vows that are meaningful and that you can truly get behind. Come from the heart. Never make it a performance for others. These are the things that put a couple on a path to a more sacred marriage experience, in my estimation.
What is the best advice you can give them on starting out together?
Love yourself so you can have a healthy, loving relationship with your beloved. Don't expect the other person to make you whole or make your life happen for you. Put as much - and more - into creating your marriage. Make it your priority, and your mission. Talk to each other and don't ever stop communicating. If things every get dicey or unfriendly between you, look into one another's eyes - and remember.
Also - read Brockway's article:
Be A Wedding Goddess - An Antidote to Bridal Stress
Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway is a non-denominational wedding officiant, who regularly marries couples in love. She is also widely recognized as a women's spirituality expert and a bridal stress expert devoted to helping brides-to-be tap into their inner power and poise. She is co-facilitator of The Bridal Survival Club for The New York Wedding Group and author of WEDDING GODDESS: A Divine Guide To Transforming Wedding Stress into Wedding Bliss (Perigee Books, May 2005). Visit her at http://www.WeddingGoddess.com and http://www.RevLaurieSue.com.
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