Martine Philogene Tell A Friend About Us:

After I Crossed The Finish Line ~By Martine Philogene

I t has been almost Eight months. Eight months since I had an experience that everyone wanted to hear about but I didn't want to talk about. Eight months since an event that touched my heart, challenged my courage and changed me in ways that I didn't expect. It has been eight months since I cried and laughed and cried again.

Eight months ago I ran the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco, California. I haven't been able to bring myself to run a full mile ever since that day (I guess running 26.2 miles did a number on me). It was an experience of a lifetime, and I have no regrets about doing it. After all, I raised $4,000.00 for a great cause and I pushed myself, mentally and physically, in ways I never could have imagined. But it took me about 6 hours and 45 minutes to complete the race and the time devastated me. I suffered from knee pain, I cried, I complained, I prayed, and I walked several miles during the race in an attempt to pull myself together. And when I say pull myself together I mean physically and spiritually.

Ever since I finished that race people have been asking me what the experience was like. How did it feel to run amongst thousands of other women? Would I do it again? I answered all these questions but sometimes I truly didn't want to. In my mind it was over and to be quite frank, I was over it! Considering all I went through I should have been pretty proud about crossing the finish line but I wasn't impressed with myself at all. I was in pain and disappointed and I felt like I failed in some way. My fiancé (boyfriend at the time) held me in his arms at the finish line and in that moment all I could think was, "I can't believe I am still standing……. this man must really love me because I stink right now."

Prior to running the race I had doubts because I was not a runner. I started running about five months before race day. I wasn't in bad shape because I worked out pretty regularly, but I still was no runner. I found comfort in the fact that there were a bunch of first time runners signed up for the marathon and I thought "what the hell!" I originally signed up for a half marathon but about 2-3 months into training I had a good run, got cocky and decided to upgrade to the full. In retrospect that was a big mistake. I don't have a runner's build, my joints were struggling, and I should have embraced my half marathon with pride instead of trying to prove to myself that I could do the full.

I read several articles about marathons before the race and writers would often speak of the post race blue -- the disappointment that comes with taking much longer to finish than expected. So when I felt blue I figured it was normal. No harm in being blue for a week – except my blueness didn't last a week. The disappointment lasted months and when I thought about my race performance, I found myself in a place where discussing it was somewhat painful and I really didn't want to run again. Tons of running gear, including 4 pairs of running shoes, and I did not want to run anymore. I was obviously not in a good place.

Now that eight months have passed, and I am in a better place, I ask myself, "where do I go from here?" I have finally embraced my experience with some level of pride. Most people can't say they did what I did – regardless of how long it took me to finish. I know what my body can do and the truth is, I am almost ready to push myself in different ways. I don't know how to swim so I think I may take lessons. I haven't gotten on a bike in years so I think I may buy one. Maybe a triathlon is next? We'll see.

Although this was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, I am glad I did it. It made me realize that greatness lies within me and although I had to dance with some sadness before I could accept that, I did finally accept it and that is what has changed the essence of who I am. Women are tougher and can endure far more pain than people give us credit for. Running amongst thousands of women, of all races, ages and sizes, showed me that the power to do something like this has always lied within me and that power will always be at my disposal whenever I am brave enough to reach in and get it

Most importantly, this experience has showed me that others cannot measure our accomplishments for us. We absolutely have to measure it for ourselves. It doesn't matter that my loved ones think I've done something awesome if I can't wrap my brain around that reality. Sometimes (okay, maybe most of the time) we are our toughest critic and it can take a while to really understand how great we truly are. I feel so blessed because I now understand.

Back To The Cover          Life and Times