The Box~
By Eileen Miller
T
he other day while I was removing things from my office, to prepare for the annual event celebrating Tamara's life, I decided to go through "the box". The dreaded box, the box that contained all of the things that I had put aside since Tam's passing. The things that I had always intended to go through, but could never quite bring myself to do. I had donated and given away most of her things, finalized all of the legal aspects of her estate, but could never quite bring myself to go through "the box".
Well, on this day, with all of the other things that clearly needed to be done, I picked up the box to move it once again. I had moved it many times, but always kept it visible. I didn't want to pack it away, so it remained on my to-do list each month.
Today I opened the box and started to go through the many papers, letters, cards, pictures, and memorable items that we had saved over the years. Some of the items I had kept and given to Tam, and others that she had save, that I had never seen or read. For whatever reason, since her passing, I had always felt that reading her journals was somehow invading her private space. I didn't always feel that way when she was a teenager though. My confession(smile).
The first thing that I picked up was a Nancy Drew diary that had been given to Tamara for her birthday. This one charted her life from about ten years old until about thirteen. It was so funny reading about the crushes she had on a certain boy this week and then a different one the following week. How much I got on her nerves one day and how much she loved me on others. I laughed and cried as I went through these things one by one. What a full life she had!
Just to name a few things that I came across were many awards, from spelling bees to cheerleading awards, to letters of commendation from business clients. She was in the mentally gifted program in grade school, where she went on to be valedictorian of her class. She took classes at Community College while still in high school and got A's in all of her classes, while also co-anchoring the college news show. She performed at a local theater; she was a contestant in the Miss USO pageant, and a Miller girl for the Miller Brewing Company. She interned for a local newspaper, graduated from college, started her own business and accomplished so many of her goals, at such a young age.
I thought about how driven she was, so determined to go after what she wanted with a sense of urgency. I thought about all the times that I would tell her to slow down, that she had plenty of time. But, somehow, maybe subconsciously, she knew that time was a luxury, and she needed to be living her life fully every moment. She loved to work, laugh, dance and spend time with her family and friends.
Going through the box just confirmed for me how amazing she was and how important it was for Tam and everyone to move with his or her own rhythm. She had her pace and I had mine, but somehow we always met in the middle.
"You know we're the same person" she would say to me at times, with a smile.
Now I know what she meant......the people we love live inside of us, they become part of us. So today, I will celebrate Tam's life and I will laugh and dance with family and friends and be very grateful that we got to share our lives together. She is very much alive in my heart and I am so glad that I finally released my apprehension about the box and its contents. It contained a lifetime of memories that I can keep with me until I decide that the time is right to let them go.....at my own pace, my own rhythm. Life is beautiful, Thanks Tam
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Life and Times
