"My father loves his three daughters by protecting us in his own way. His lessons on life are simple and to the point. While other parents may tell their children not to touch the stove twelve times, my father believes in letting a child get burned by the fire from a stove... "
Three Men ~
By Nakia Britt
The most influential people in my life have been men. Having a man in your corner, empowers a woman in a unique way. It’s different from the strength that one gets from a sister or a mother. Women have helped me understand men, but three specific men molded me into the strong woman I am today. My father, my brother, and my ex-fiancé helped me find strength, courage and independence.
My father loves his three daughters by protecting us in his own way. His lessons on life are simple and to the point. While other parents may tell their children not to touch the stove twelve times, my father believes in letting a child get burned by the fire from a stove, in order to learn it is hot (ok not literally but you get the point). At age ten, I got mad at my daddy for saying no to my request for cookies at 8AM.
“I’m gonna run away!” I pouted.
My dad said, “Go ahead” with a hearty laugh. On that note, I ran out the door…in my Barbie slippers and matching robe. I ran all the way to the end of my block (we were the second house from the corner). My dad was at the front door, watching me. I turned around and smiled nervously as I ran back.
“Oh, so you’re not running away?” he asked.
“No, I was just kidding,”
“Good, now sit down.” He got serious and explained to me in a stern tone that there will be many times in life when
I will not get what I want. And that it’s how you handle the situation that will make you a better person. This was the first time I tried to take a stand. Instead of yelling and getting his belt, my dad waited for me to come to my senses. To this day my dad never let’s me forget that in the end, you can get what you want, if you don’t give up and if you’re patient.
My dad taught me perseverance and patience.
My brother has never been an in-law to me. He and my sister have been together ever since I was born. He was my mentor before I even knew what the word meant. He is a man of his word, a man that will walk through fire for his beliefs and his family. His presence demands respect. I admire him so much more then I could ever show. I remember when I asked him to teach me how to drive. It was the day before my test and we had been practicing for a month. He was drilling me on parallel parking.
“You finished?" he asked with his voice raising.
"Uhh...yeah," I said in a small voice.
"Oh, ya think so;” he got out the car and stood on the sidewalk. “Do it again.”
I did.
“No, look at how far you are from the curb. Again.”
I started to get flustered and cry.
“Why are you crying? Do it again, and we’re going to stay out here all night until you get it right,” he said. I passed my driving test with ease and perfection. I remember this event so clearly because it was the first time I was not coddled by him. He had to be firm in order for me to understand the seriousness of the lesson. This same forceful guidance has continued to push me over any hurdle. All the while still giving me encouragement like a coach on the field. I learned that surviving the lesson is half the battle.
My brother taught me courage and survival.
My ex-fiancé was a strong, independent, reclusive man. I felt his presence before I even knew him. I fell in love with his protective nature and his devotion when he let someone in to his world. I fell in love with him because, to me, he was the two men I cared about rolled up into one beautiful man. But I didn’t deal with my dad or my brother intimately. I expected my ex to be there for me just as they were. I expected to be babied and catered to, just like my daddy would do. My ex was so busy with sports he played and his job, that weeks would go by before we could be together. Prior to this relationship, I had never spent so much time alone. I always had a boyfriend in tow or some boy flirting with me. My ex wanted his space. He lived off campus and would rather go home on a Saturday night then stay on campus with me. I felt so unwanted. My life revolved around him.
I had so much time to myself that I didn't know what to do. Being alone forced me to look at myself. I relied on other people for my happiness and in turn didn’t really love myself.
Self-assurance, self-reliability, and self-attribution took years of internal counseling. I learned that I could be independent and happy while being in a relationship. Almost 10 years later, I am about to be married to another man and my life does not revolve around him, it involves him.
My ex taught me self love and independence.
These men changed my life. My father and brother provide an unspoken protection that one may not see or feel, but you know is there. All three of these men gave me the confidence I needed without even knowing what they were doing. Every step that I’ve taken, every goal accomplished, every choice I’ve made, I have done it with these men in my heart.
Born in Queens, New York, Nakia Britt started writing at age nine. She wrote exciting adventures about her friends and the celebrities they adored. Her passion for writing flourished into a more journalistic style as she got older. After a host of by-lines throughout her high school and college years, she turned her attention back to the softer side of writing. One of her first short stories was published in a national woman’s magazine, “Today’s Black Woman” in 2001. Currently a full time project manager at an advertising agency, Nakia still finds time to pursue her dream of writing by freelancing as a ghostwriter as well as writing other pieces.
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