"After five minutes of explaining that you really do enjoy being single and that you are really not ready to get married (even though you are (gasp) pushing 32!), you manage to escape to the canapé table and stake your territory. "
Be Single, Be Happy
By Elaine Furst
I
t is the bane of every single woman's existence — the family wedding. You know the scenario — Aunt Sarah compliments you on your dress, your looks, you hair. Then comes the question, "So when is a beautiful girl like you getting married?" After five minutes of explaining that you really do enjoy being single and that you are really not ready to get married (even though you are (gasp) pushing 32!), you manage to escape to the canapé table and stake your territory. Well, it took just such an experience to make me stop and ask myself: Are you really content being single when all around you friends are rushing around looking for the perfect veil and headpiece? My response was an emphatic, yes, yes, YES! But then I wondered, am I truly getting the most out of my life as a single woman? Unfortunately, my answer was, no not really. It was with this realization that I sat myself down and devised the following ten ideas that will hopefully make our lives as single women more happy and fulfilling. All that is required is the time to think and react differently.
1) Make the most of your career or find a new one — If the career track you are presently following leaves you a little less than thrilled, change it. If the position for senior copywriter suddenly becomes available, go for it. If your dream is to be a writer (like yours truly), don't dream, write! The idea is not to wait for the sudden appearance of "Mr. Wonderful" to make you happy or give you confidence. True self confidence comes from personal achievement and in today's competitive world, personal achievement is primarily defined by having a successful career.
2) Take the time to decorate your living space the way you always wanted — My decorating dream is the shabby chic look in every room of my 200-year old white Victorian house. In reality, however, I currently live in a studio apartment barely big enough for me and my full-size bed. (Which by the way is covered with a lovely blue and white Martha Stewart gingham print bedspread). My point though is to make the space you are living in now as perfect as you can. Therefore do not deny yourself that antique white Victorian lace comforter thinking that you would rather buy it when you have a conjugal bed to put it on. Remember this is your retreat from the outside world and whatever items catch your eye should immediately occupy a loving place in your home without a moment's thought or hesitation.
3) Look for quality friendships, not quantity — Friends are the people that add color and excitement to our lives. Unfortunately, though it is in times of sorrow or need that most friendships are severely tested. Therefore when choosing someone as a potential "pal," it is best to remember that a friend is more than just someone to hang out with. True friends give us the nurturing when we need to grow and the courage when it's best to stay the same.
4) Think of dating as an adventure — Like many women, the thought of going on another date was as appealing to me as watching back-to-back football videos. That, however, was until I decided to have a change of attitude.
When my friend Alyssa arranged a blind date between me and her husband's friend Steve, I admit I hesitated at the suggestion. But it was after giving myself the usual "what the heck, it's a free dinner" speech, that I relented. I also decided that for once I was going to relax and not hope that this would be the long-awaited arrival of "Prince Charming."
Well, much to my surprise, I had a really great time. While not handsome in the classic sense, Steve truly had a fabulous personality (for a CPA), and we actually had a lot in common.
Now as I reflect on that evening, I realize that not having any expectations is the secret to happy dating. Therefore, do not think of this man as a potential lover, potential husband, potential friend, or potential anything. Just think of him as someone that you have never met before and, like Mata Hari, your goal is to learn all you can about him. Then slowly go on from there. And like me, you just may find yourself to be pleasantly surprised.
As for Steve and myself, we had a wonderful year-long relationship, but alas, it was not meant to be. Yet, I am not concerned because just like Indiana Jones, I am ready for the next adventure.
5) Have fun with your appearance — Being single is the one time when you can change your appearance as often as some people change their underwear and you don't have to be concerned with someone else's opinion.
In my life, changing my hairstyle is the first thing I aim for whenever I sense the slightest case of boredom setting in. In the past two years my normally medium-length hair has been as short as Demi Moore's in "Ghost" and as curly and wild as Sarah Jessica Parker‘s in “Sex and The City”. But during these changes (and all the others in between), I felt that I was making myself happy. And if the end result turned out disappointing, then I was thankful that I had no one waiting at home to give me an unwanted opinion.
So if you are a brunette and always wanted to try life as a blonde, now is the time to do it. If the results are less than wonderful, no one will be there to remind you and no one will ever have to know. (That's what they invented hats for!) If, however, you turn out looking absolutely fabulous, then go out there and enjoy how it makes you feel!
6) Control your spending habits — As single women who only have ourselves to rely on for financial support, getting a handle on our expenses is vital. But for many women, the idea of curbing their spending habits seems as unlikely as marrying Russell Crowe. While the dream is quite nice, that's all it turns out to be: a dream. For me, however, changing my spending habits became a necessity.
Two years ago, I owned 3 department store charge cards, plus an American Express card and in total I owed $15,000! One day, after spending another sleepless night worrying about my bills, I simply took out a pair of scissors and cut up all 4 credit cards. I then made the phone call that changed my financial life. Working with a credit counselor that was advertised in the newspaper, we came up with a budget that was both practical and sensible for me. And after being on this budget for two years, I was able to pay off all my debts, save money, and buy my apartment. Today, I am debt-free and I use a cash card for most of my purchases.
While my solution for getting out of debt may not work for some, gaining control of your expenditures is possible. All it takes is the determination to pay all your present bills, the awareness of how you spend your money every month and the discipline to think before you purchase. And once you master these skills, you'll see there really is nothing better than a good night's sleep!
7) Indulge in some private time — After working all week at our great career, spending time with our true friends and going out on all our great dates, a single woman can get awfully burnt out. This is why setting aside some private time is so important. Private time not only allows us to recoup our energy but if spent properly, we can make ourselves feel quite pampered.
Some ideal private time "escapes" include, taking a long bubble bath, listening to your favorite CD over and over, treating yourself to breakfast in bed, or my personal favorite, meditating.
Which ever escape you choose, though, it is significant to note, that before we can "take care of business," we need to take care of ourselves. And setting aside at least an hour per day to do so is the best thing we can ever do for ourselves.
8) Work that body — A healthy body is the key to looking and feeling beautiful. And nothing encourages a beautiful body more than exercise. The wonderful thing about exercise in 2007 though, is that no matter what your physical type, there is an exercise regimen to fit your style. And along with toning you physically, exercise has also been proven to tone you mentally. Researchers have discovered that even after a mild work-out, creativity levels soared — all the more reason to exercise.
So if you prefer low-impact aerobics or a 12-mile jog, don't just sit there thinking about it — JUST DO IT!
9) Expand your horizons — In today's fast-paced society, knowledge is the way to get ahead. And nowhere is knowledge more beneficial than in the lives of single women. Whether learning about the latest tax shelter or checking out the latest art exhibit, the more you know, the more productive your life can be. Of course another good reason for acquiring knowledge is the way you will feel both fulfilled and confident.
So read newspapers, watch at least two news shows per week, go to a museum, or take a class. In other words, be curious!
10) Appreciate all the really wonderful things you are —
Whether we are striking 5'10 blondes or cute 5'2 brunettes, we ALL deserve to be loved. But before we can receive love, we need to feel love — love of self. Love of self happens when we accept ourselves for who we are — the good and the not so good. While it is easy to appreciate our good qualities, it is when we are thinking negatively that the following words must be remembered: All of us on this planet are special and we all deserve the best that life has to offer! Once we realize this, the world can become our oyster!
While few of us as single women have lives as wild and glamorous as the gals of “Sex and the City”, if we can incorporate these changes into our lives we can still have the best times ever and even good ol’ Aunt Sarah may very well come to envy our happiness and independence!
Elaine Furst is an executive assistant at CBS, Inc, in New York City. She has written several screenplays that were named semi-finalist and quarter-finalist in various screenwriting competitions. She has also been published in Complete Woman and Dog Fancy magazines.
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