Getting Out of My Head and Into My Life
Iwatched a dvd episode of the televison show "Friends" - the one about Monica's stolen credit card and identity, where she discovers that the fake Monica is having a better life than the real Monica because she wasn't afraid to try new things like dance classes and auditioning for broadway shows. And so, she sets out to find the woman and ends up finding and setting her own spirit free.
It reminded me of my friend Birgitta who, while shaking in her boots, challenged herself everyday to try something new - whether it was belly dancing, playing the guitar, open mike, writing poetry, learning French or singing in the choir -or backpacking in Europe. Her spirit was unstoppable as she sampled and explored life and all that it had to offer. Every day to her was like the beginning of her life.
To watch her eat was a marvelous treat as she tasted every morsel and ingredient and talked about what was in the food and how it was making her feel. In restaurants, she was brave enough to ask the servers to bring her samples of foods with exotic names and they would do it with a smile as they, too, sensed her unbridled enthusiasm for new things.
She was the same way with life - tasting, exploring and always wanting to know. It's no wonder that she made friends very easily and could go to an all day outdoor concert of 10,000 people on her own and come away with a memorable experience and a few new friends to boot. From the very moment we met at an after hours party across a crowded room of 300 people, I could sense her awesome spirit and I was drawn to its infinite beauty.
I, at the time was quiet and guarded about stepping out of my comfort zones and trying new things. More of a living in my head kind of thinker, I wanted to throw off my self-imposed boundaries, but instead I lived in my head and wrote myself as the woman I was supposed to be into my short stories. They were always filled with Lena's and Delores'- strong, exciting women in size 12 bodies who seized the day.
They would drape themslves in dazzling colors and set out into the world in red duck shoes on sun shiny days as if they'd escaped from a Matisse painting and moved among us with grace and wonder as they reveled in their goddess selves. They took University english lit and challenged their world. They had a light about them that was constant and could never be put out by the changing direction of the wind because they were unafraid and embraced life and change.
Those were my women - my alter egos that I made up to keep from suffocating in my own non-being - until I realized that my imaginery women were having a better time and leading a more exciting life than I was. Instead of writing about the woman I was supposed to be, the time had come to step out of my head and into my life.
Women like fake Monica, imaginery Lena and Birgitta remind us to throw caution to the wind and set our spirits free by embracing all that we are, challenging our imaginery boundaries and celebrating life. They help us to unveil that exciting woman inside our heads that's dying to get out and live the life she was meant to live.
Copyright 2008 © Dawn Prince. Not to be reprinted without expressed permission.
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