8 Toxic Girlfriends You Need to Steer Clear Of
By Norka Blackman-Richards

Women's Interests

F riendship is sacred, that is why not anyone and everyone can be your close friend. You can have many associates and acquaintances, but when it comes to real friends – the people who you will trust your heart to - you need to be much more selective.

This is why different people must be assigned different places and positions in your life. Some people need to be sitting right next to you, for they help you to maneuver and steer life on the right path. Others are a total distraction and instead of supporting your safe passage they actually will make you crash. These are toxic girlfriends. And toxic girlfriends need to be placed in the back seat and strapped in, or you need to drop them off on the sidewalk and drive away.

All friendships go through stages, and this is normal. Some friendships stand the test of time and constantly nurture and support each other, and therefore grow together. But, life is changing and we ourselves go through stages, and many of our friendships may reflect these same cycles of growth.

However, women have been socially-conditioned to be hypocritical. We do it with our men and with our girlfriends. We will “pretend” that we are Ok with toxic behavior, just not to hurt the other person’s feelings. We know fully well that our friend’s behavior hurts us and others, yet we make excuses because she’s our “friend”.

A real friend does not justify toxic behavior or chooses to become a victim of the “friendship”. Instead a real friend recommends help when needed, and sometimes needs to take the decision to stay away until there is some recognition from the other party that there is a problem. But, it can be a tricky call. How does one know which friendships to re-position? Which ones should we steer clear of? Any friendship that is one-sided, and displays traces of selfishness and self-centeredness is toxic.

How does one know which friendships to re-position? Which ones should we steer clear of? Any friendship that is one-sided, and displays traces of selfishness and self-centeredness is toxic. This includes friendships that are emotional or financial drainers, where you are the only one giving. Friendship is always a two-way street where two people always look out for the good of each other.

Here is our list of toxic girlfriends.

1. The Drama Queen – She is always in the mix of drama. She suspects her husband is cheating, she swears she is about to die, there’s always some drama going on. Her life is an emotional rollercoaster. Most times she blows everything out of proportion, because drama gives her an adrenaline rush. She has the need to be the center of everyone’s attention, so she will go to unbelievable lengths to get that attention. Her drama will drain you.

2. The Victim Queen– You just don’t understand why her life cannot be remedied. She has such terrible luck. These are women that “supposedly” ask for your advice, but really don’t want it. They only needed your time, your money, and your ear. She will drain you with her issues. She may readily accept your money, but not a good advice. She does not move forward with her life because it’s really not about finding solutions. It’s all about wallowing in pity. As soon as you present a game plan, she becomes disinterested. Before you know it she is off to find another person who will really give her what she needs – pity, compassion, and sympathy. And believe it or not, she is queen because if you allow it, her problems and issues will keep her in a position of top priority in your life.

3. The Protagonist - Her guiding philosophy is: Me first, Me second, and Me third - and if anything is left it’s her again. You are her friend if you can keep feeding her with positive reviews about how marvelous she is. Her sense of fashion is always better, her husband and children are always extraordinary. She can spend hours talking about her things, but has no time to listen or to even acknowledge the things in your life that are also going well. She is consciously self-centered, and she has no qualms in letting you know it.

4. The Info-marketer – She knows everybody’s business and her business is to market it. She will use you to be her informer or her messenger. Before you know it you will find yourself caught up in her web of gossip and intrigue. Her reputation is well-known and people avoid her. Before long, your reputation will also suffer because of her. You know the saying: “Birds of a feather flock together”. When people begin to equate you with her your reputation will suffer big time.

5. The Mother of All Sacrifice – She gives and gives and gives. Her toxic relationships with men (and women) who are abusive, is legendary. Her children don’t respect her, her colleagues take advantage of her. You’ve tried to rescue her, to get her to see the folly of her choices, but it works for all but one day. The next day she is back in the same cycle of victimization. What you don’t understand is that she needs to be the Mother of Sacrifice, always suffering always sacrificing. Her patience and tolerance of other people’s abuse is long lasting, she is close to sainthood. She thrives on the ill-treatment of others, and she only needs you to help dry her tears and assure her that she is indeed the victim.

6. The Dragon Lady – She has an iron clad control on everything. She can spew fire and scare everyone around her into letting her run their shows – and most likely she is running your show too. She does not allow you room to be you. She will tell you where to shop, and who to be friends with. The big secret is that Dragon Lady is really very insecure and she needs to control people to feel valuable.

7. The Aficionada – She is so devoted to you. You can do no wrong. She loves you to the point of asphyxia. No one needs friends like this. It might sound like a good thing to have people around to stroke your ego, but reality is that women like this are not honest. She is your friend for a reason, most likely something you can give her or do for her. Often times what you can give her is not even material. It’s her unhealed sense of belonging – with you she has recognition, social clout. She is willing to worship you as long as some of your limelight falls on her too. Women who are in positions of power or famous need to beware of the aficionada.

8. The hater – she never has anything good to say abut anybody. She is the eternal pessimist. She hates even the slightest spot of success, beauty, intelligence, progress in other women and she will cut at it with her bitter tongue. The hater will never appreciate, recognize or applaud success in any woman – even you. Sharing your dreams or successes with her will only be met with coldness, apathy, dissuasion, or negativity, but never with heartfelt best wishes. She will sooner break you down than build you up.

Norka Blackman-Richards is a member of the National Association of Women Writers. She is an educator, a writer, a full-time minister’s wife, and a sought-after motivational speaker for women. She is also the founder and president of www.4realwomen.com & www.4realwomen.com/espanol.

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